Four Years Old: Intense

​Please keep in mind as you read the following lists of developmentally appropriate behaviors, that no two children are alike.  Some children might exhibit all the age-related characteristics, some might exhibit most, and there are some children who might not exhibit more than one or two. ​
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When using the list below, it is important to also consider your child’s adjusted age if applicable, environmental, and situational factors, the child’s temperament, and if the child is in a period of equilibrium or disequilibrium. 

​Other descriptions Gesell offers:

• Expansive
• Boasting
• Joyous
• Exuberant
• Adventuresome
• Energetic
• Bossy
• Enthusiastic

A 4-year old child usually but not always:​

​Intellectual Development

• has learned about time — can understand past, present, future. Understands concept of days — today, everyday, yesterday, tomorrow, a week, a month, every morning, afternoon, evening
• can learn seasons and holidays
• can understand spatial concepts: up, down, in, out, over, around, under. Is often extremely interested in what is behind things. May want to check behind objects and people
• can count three objects
• can recite numbers from 1 to 10
• can draw a man with two parts: head and legs
• may repeat and repeat a “why” question, because he or she may not be able to understand the explanation and may feel frustrated with you and with himself because he cannot make it make sense. He keeps asking because the desire to understand remains but the ability is not there yet.
• loves anything new – loves adventures, loves to experiment
• Uses lots of why questions. Usually isn’t as much interested in the exact mechanics of something, i.e., the how it works part, but rather the purpose of something, the why of it. May not have the intellectual maturity to fully understand explanations.
• is less interested in fully completing something as beginning it and moving on quickly to the next thing

Language Development

• has approximately 1550 vocabulary words
• is becoming a conversationalist: wants to have discussions, wants to use new-found vocabulary and the power he has discovered in language. Sometimes the child asks “why” because he wants to have conversations with parent and has learned that this is a way to achieve that
• loves exaggeration: “a million, billion ants on the sidewalk,” “as tall as the sky,” “as big as my house” and loves silly language
• loves to boast about being the biggest, strongest, best, happiest, meanest, etc.
• uses lots of “bathroom words” — 4-year olds delight in the shock value of words that upset or surprise parents. Expect phrases like “poopey-head” and “doo-doo face.” They also will use swear words they have heard without knowing what they mean, just because they get a rise out of people.

Social Development

• loves to play with other children and is learning to play cooperatively
• much more willing to share and take turns
• likes to do big projects with a group
• likes to have friends, likes to meet new friends, likes to see himself as a friend
• may engage in sex play, “playing doctor.” Curious about bodily functions of others

Emotional Development

• exhibits intense emotions: can go from love to hate in a heartbeat. Will love or hate certain foods and people
• is passionately in love with mother, and hates it when she changes anything about herself (a new hair style, new clothes)
• loves to laugh; can get almost hysterical with laughter
• when angry, will hit, kick, spit
• is less stressed and has less need for tensional outlets
• may like violent stories with lots of action. May demand gory details, especially related to death. “What’s it like to be inside a coffin.” “How much time does it take to dig the hole.” Doesn’t understand that death is permanent; expects the person to magically be able to return

Fears

• may have some fears, such as: fire, the sound of sirens, the dark, wild animals, and mother leaving, especially at night

Imagination

• has a very active imagination, may have an imaginary friend
• has trouble differentiating real from pretend
• parents should not label behavior as “lying” when a child makes up a story. The child is not lying in the same way an older child might lie.
• Parents should not punish child for telling untruths, nor should they readily believe all stories children tell, even when they swear the stories are true. The wise parent requires real evidence before believing!

Physical Development

• has energy to burn, seems to be in perpetual motion. Loves to run, jump, climb
• is much more coordinated than in the last year
• loves to be speedy
• can skip on one foot

Sibling Relationship

• not ready to be trusted around younger siblings. May promise to be gentle but may not be able to follow through

Health/Self-Care

• can dress and undress self
• can lace shoes
• is fascinated with body functions, especially what bodies produce. One result is a fascination with bathrooms
• starts to want privacy when using the bathroom
• may forget to go to the bathroom when into serious play
• may need to urinate in difficult situations or at mealtimes
• can wash and dry face and hands
• can brush teeth
• may get frequent colds and may have stomach aches in social situation

Discipline

• needs to have adults intervene if his behavior is getting out of his control
• has discovered that the adult is not all powerful as once was believed. The child learns that he can do bad things and the world will not stop.
• wants limits, wants to know the rules and boundaries. Can understand simple directions — “You can go as far as that tree,” “You can play with everything on the playground up to that fence”
• responds well to praise

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Much of the following information is based on the studies by The Gesell Institute of Human Development, with the primary source being Your One Year Old, by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Also included is information from Pick Up Your Socks by Elizabeth Crary. This information Can be found at the centerforparentingeducation.org