The Wonder Years 
​Ages 9-16

Please keep in mind as you read the following lists of developmentally appropriate behaviors, that no two children are alike.  Some children might exhibit all the age-related characteristics, some might exhibit most, and there are some children who might not exhibit more than one or two. 

When using the list below, it is important to also consider your child’s adjusted age if applicable, environmental, and situational factors, the child’s temperament, and if the child is in a period of equilibrium or disequilibrium. ​

Nine Years Old: Emerging

A 9-year old child usually but not always:
Outlook
  • is described by parents as “in a fog,” “in a daze,” “in another world”
  • is more thoughtful than at age eight, and not as unhappy as at age seven
  • can have wide mood swings
  • may be impatient and short tempered, may have angry flare ups, but gets over them quickly
  • is more eager to please, wants to be liked, loves to be chosen, will work for a favor, thrives on praise
  • is more independent, self-motivated
  • is more dependable and trustworthy
  • worries more, is more anxious, more withdrawn, less certain, less speedy than the typical 8-year old
  • is restless; boys let off steam by wrestling, girls are more likely to wander around the house

​ ​ Interests
  • has various and numerous interests
  • loves to collect things
  • can keep collections neat and organized
  • likes to make checklists, likes to classify, identify and categorize information
  • likes to understand how other things are classified, such as the various ranks in the military, car brands and models, types of airplanes
  • likes to know what things cost

Intellectual Development
  • is willing to attack new and difficult tasks
  • is better able to reason things out
  • can thoughtfully plan approach to a project or activity
  • likes to complete every last detail
  • sometimes can exhaust himself trying to get everything finished satisfactorily
  • may have trouble finding the time to do everything he has planned
  • is willing to do something over and over again in order to become proficient at it
  • boys can seem almost obsessed about achieving their goals, especially if there is a time pressure
  • makes finer, more detailed evaluations of things, notices subtle differences in things and in emotions
  • loves to talk about things; talks less just for the sake of hearing his own voice
  • may ignore requests unless they make sense to him
  • complains and gives excuses for not doing tasks, such as having some sudden physical ailment (eyes hurt so cannot read, stomach hurts so cannot clean up a mess). These complaints may be legitimate, i.e., the pain is real, but usually it is temporary
  • tends to be matter-of-fact about death
School/Learning
  • practicing and refining skills learned in the first three grades
  • replaces learning to read with reading to learn
  • loves to soak up information and memorize facts
  • has trouble paraphrasing and explaining the real meanings
  • can recognize views of others
  • can correct false first impressions using logic
  • may find it hard to sit still at school; often drums fingers, hums, sings, whistles, whispers
Ethical Development
  • blames others less
  • shows the beginnings of a conscience
  • is more able to take responsibility for his actions and mistakes
  • is very interested in determining what truly is fair
  • is especially interested in “Who started it?”
  • shows a lot of self-criticism. Won’t accept a compliment if he thinks it is not fully deserved
Imagination
  • tells less tall tales and wild exaggerations
  • believes less in fairy tales and magic, although may be very superstitious
Friends
  • can be a loyal and devoted friend
  • is willing to overlook small errors
  • doesn’t want to hurt others
  • exhibits more intense disdain and disgust for opposite sex
  • boys like to “dash about, shouting”
  • girls are quieter, like to giggle and whisper
  • likes to be a member of a “club” or group
Family relationships
  • is less willing to share details of his life with parents
  • may question parents always being right and having all the power
  • may question the rules
  • may seem to be drawing away from the family circle
  • may object to being called, “My son,” or “My little girl”
  • may not like to talk about when he was younger
  • may not want to be recognized in public by a parent
  • appreciates grandparents
Mother
  • is moving away from earlier preoccupation with mother
  • has less interest in her comments or company
  • Boys are often sulky around her and frequently find fault with her and can resent her efforts to make them neat and clean
Father
  • may be a growing respect for father and for father’s occupation
  • enters a new relationship with his father based on shared interests, especially for boys
Siblings
  • may get along better than previously did with siblings
  • is proud of older siblings
  • able to respond nicely to younger siblings, especially if given some responsibility for caring for them

Ten Years Old: zEN

Please keep in mind as you read the following lists of developmentally appropriate behaviors, that no two children are alike.  Some children might exhibit all the age-related characteristics, some might exhibit most, and there are some children who might not exhibit more than one or two. 

When using the list below, it is important to also consider your child’s adjusted age if applicable, environmental, and situational factors, the child’s temperament, and if the child is in a period of equilibrium or disequilibrium. ​
 An 10-year old child usually but not always:
  • is frank, un-self-conscious, accepts life and the world as they are
  • delights in physical activities – sliding, running, climbing, jumping
Family
  • is closely attached to family; mother has special prestige, but still gets along well with father
  • can be very nurturing towards younger siblings, even pets
Social
  • is fond of friends
  • likes to be in groups, clubs, gangs, which tend to be inclusive in their membership
  • loves to talk
School/Learning
  • likes school, likes to learn and accepts a reasonable amount of homework without resentment
  • is good at memorizing
Moral/Ethical
  • has a strong moral sense of right and wrong – emphasis on finding out what is wrong
  • has a matter-of-fact attitude about philosophical issues – life, death, deity, time, space issues
  • is not self-centered but becoming aware of a conscience
Summary of adolescence:
  • 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
  • 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others
  • 12 is better balanced – accepts others, more objective, fluctuates from childish to mature attitudes
  • 13 withdraws – reminiscent of 7
  • 14 more outgoing, compares self with others
  • 15 is more introspective – explores self in relation to ideas, ideals, opinions of others
  • 16 more at ease, independent, self-reliant

eleven Years Old: IMPULSIVE

An 11-year old child usually but not always:
Outlook
  • is talkative, outgoing and friendly
  • is self-assertive, although may be called “rude and difficult”
  • experiences wide range of moods and emotions- can fly into a rage or burst out in laughter
  • can be loud and exuberant
  • has a talent for gaiety and laughter
Behavior
  • interrupts often
  • is impulsive
  • is highly curious
  • is still emotionally immature and unaware of how others see him
  • exhibits best behavior when away from home
  • resists imposed tasks
Physical
  • wiggles a lot
  • is increasingly hungry – has appetite for experience as well as food
  • fatigues readily
  • can feel too hot or too cold – even the body becomes unstable as he enters adolescence
Family
  • still has a strong attachment to home
  • quarrels with siblings
  • rebels against parents; finds fault, argues, calls names, yells, talks back
  • is more critical of father
  • needs parents to balance reactions and not be too sensitive or too lenient
Summary of adolescence:
  • 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
  • 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others
  • 12 is better balanced – accepts others, more objective, fluctuates from childish to mature attitudes
  • 13 withdraws – reminiscent of 7
  • 14 more outgoing, compares self with others
  • 15 is more introspective – explores self in relation to ideas, ideals, opinions of others
  • 16 more at ease, independent, self-reliant

Twelve Years Old:  Maturing

An 12-year old usually but not always:
  • shows many changes for the better
  • is less impulsive, more reasonable, more companionable, and shows better self-control
  • can be more objective
  • is more insightful
  • doesn’t want to be seen as a “baby” – works at being grown-up
  • accepts correction and discipline
  • can atone for guilt felt
Social
  • can be excellent conversational company
  • is friendly, out-going, cooperative, ready to please, spontaneous, positive and enthusiastic
  • has a growing sense of humor, more cheerful, sociable
  • is less naive in social relationships
  • gets along better with all peers
  • is influenced by the attitudes and interests of peer group
  • shows empathy and can views things from the standpoint of others
  • wants to win approval from others
School/Learning
  • likes to learn
  • shows warm admiration for firm, well-informed teacher who has sense of humor
  • can work independently, but desires group activity
  • seizes opportunities for discussion or debate of political and civic issues
  • shows increase in conceptual thinking, in abstracts
  • shows initiative (example: might start own newspaper)
Family
  • shows increased tact when caring for younger siblings
  • has improved mother-daughter relationship
Summary of adolescence:
  • 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
  • 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others
  • 12 is better balanced – accepts others, more objective, fluctuates from childish to mature attitudes
  • 13 withdraws – reminiscent of 7
  • 14 more outgoing, compares self with others
  • 15 is more introspective – explores self in relation to ideas, ideals, opinions of others
  • 16 more at ease, independent, self-reliant

Thirteen Years Old: Reflective

A 13-year old usually but not always:
  • exhibits occasional moodiness
  • is more serious, less spontaneous, more reflective and more self-critical
Communication
  • is not as open or communicative and may lapse into spells of silence
  • is more guarded – may hesitate before expressing self, may be more shy with strangers
  • is very sensitive to criticism and keenly perceptive of the emotional state of others
  • needs a lot of sympathetic understanding
​
Responsibility
  • is more adaptable and dependable
  • has a strong sense of duty
  • muses about future, wishes, ambitions
  • shows increased resistance to authority figures

Intellectual Development
  • at school, responds with intense interest to assignments and discussions
  • has a great capacity to acquire knowledge through reading, listening, looking
  • states propositions and questions ideas, thinks in terms of hypothetical conditions
  • enjoys matching wits with a cooperative adult
  • becomes aware of ability to reason
  • searches for the “right” word or phrase
Family
  • makes detailed criticisms of parents – girls may be very critical of mother, especially her dress, clothes, make-up
  • seems to withdraw from family circle and from close confidential relationship with parents
  • fights with siblings, particularly those between 6 and 11 years of age
Social
  • is intrigued by the wide array of interpersonal relations
  • is more discriminating about companions, has fewer friends
  • is contemptuous of “kid stuff” of 12’s
Summary of adolescence:
  • 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
  • 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others
  • 12 is better balanced – accepts others, more objective, fluctuates from childish to mature attitudes
  • 13 withdraws – reminiscent of 7
  • 14 more outgoing, compares self with others
  • 15 is more introspective – explores self in relation to ideas, ideals, opinions of others
  • 16 more at ease, independent, self-reliant

Fourteen Years Old: Emerging

​A 14-year old usually but not always:
  • is robust, vigorous, expressive, gregarious
  • enjoys life
  • laughs a lot, has a good sense of humor
  • is friendly and outgoing
  • is optimistic
  • has a new sense of contentment and relaxation
  • is more self-assured
  • may over-commit

Intellectual
  • is reasonable
  • can look at all sides of an issue
  • likes to reason and is capable of independent thinking
  • has the verbal comprehension and word fluency equal to 4/5’s adult level
  • shows greater respect and confidence based on increased understanding
  • tries to be realistic and objective in judgments, not as impulsive
  • is exuberant, energetic but reasonable, has a fair measure of wisdom and philosophy, often expressed in wit and humor
  • can be objective about own development thus far and can begin to consider long-range plans
Social
  • prefers company of peers
  • can perceive how others feel and can see self as others see him
  • is tolerant of differences in people
  • wants to be popular
  • has a high interest in being member of formal clubs, teams
  • communicates with friends at all hours of day or night
  • is interested in people and aware of personality differences
  • loves to talk – analyzing other people and their motives, confessing, denying, disputing
Family
  • feels embarrassed by parental conduct, yet home relations are more genial and less tense
  • shows a more mature attitude towards adults in general
  • gets along well with younger siblings
Summary of adolescence:
  • 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
  • 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others

Fifteen Years Old: Eni gmas

A 15-year old usually but not always:
Mood
  • is moody, but not as intense and piercing as at 13
  • is serious-minded but does not indulge in heavy moods
  • may be seen as indifferent or apathetic
  • is more thoughtful, serious, introspective, and quiet than at earlier ages – even speaks with a soft voice
  • may be more withdrawn, slow-to-warm, unwilling to reveal self
  • is more belligerent and defiant
  • is very vulnerable
  • resists limits and is striving to be more independent
Social
  • is gregarious in groups, likes gatherings, will follow a crowd, and enjoys spontaneous informal groupings
  • shows increased self-awareness and perceptiveness
  • focuses attention on details of thought and feeling, notices sensitivities, irritabilities, resistances, aversions and suspicions
  • is capable of harboring feelings of grudge, revenge and violence
Communication
  • uses exaggerated language to express scorn
  • respects the spoken word and works hard to accurately state thoughts and ideas
Family
  • feels conflicted over issues of attachment and detachment
  • virtually secedes from family – omits or skimps on greetings, keeps to self, won’t sit with family at family functions; family unity at all-time low
  • gets along better with siblings
  • analyzes the personality traits of parents
  • is reconciling loyalty to home, school and community
School/learning
  • loves or hates school
  • can enjoy competence in school, which can serve as an outlet from subservience at home
  • craves guidance from outside the home
  • is sensitive about own limitations – tasks that are too hard send him into a slump
  • can be confused about own potential and responsibilities
  • is a stickler for precision and, at times, is a perfectionist
Physical
  • has less energy, which may appear as laziness
  • has less interest in food, even sweets
​​Summary of adolescence:
  • 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
  • 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others
  • 12 is better balanced – accepts others, more objective, fluctuates from childish to mature attitudes
  • 13 withdraws – reminiscent of 7
  • 14 more outgoing, compares self with others
  • 15 is more introspective – explores self in relation to ideas, ideals, opinions of others
  • 16 more at ease, independent, self-reliant

Sixteen Years old:  Balancing Autonomy

An 16-year old usually but not always:
Emotional
  • is more self-possessed and under better control
  • has greater self-reliance
  • shows a deeper self-contentedness
  • is cheerful, friendly, outgoing, well-adjusted, self-assured
  • likes to banter and enjoys laughter – teasing is good-natured
  • is more tolerant of world, takes life as it comes
  • is not as self-critical
  • is not as moody or ruled by emotions, not as touchy, cries infrequently, can curb anger
  • does not worry and tells others “Don’t worry about me”
Intellectual
  • is more oriented towards the future– plans for college, can talk about marriage in serious vein
  • is less impulsive and shows better judgment
Social
  • is interested in human nature
  • is more willing to see another’s point of view
  • is interested in people– likes to build up multiple friendships – much companionship on a non-romantic basis
  • is less influenced by peer group
  • likes to meet friends in own home     
Family
  • has fewer arguments with family members, including siblings
  • separates from home, may get summer job or attend special camp
​​Summary of adolescence:
  • 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
  • 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others
  • 12 is better balanced – accepts others, more objective, fluctuates from childish to mature attitudes
  • 13 withdraws – reminiscent of 7
  • 14 more outgoing, compares self with others
  • 15 is more introspective – explores self in relation to ideas, ideals, opinions of others
  • 16 more at ease, independent, self-reliant
Much of the following information is based on the studies by The Gesell Institute of Human Development, with the primary source being Your One Year Old, by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Also included is information from Pick Up Your Socks by Elizabeth Crary. This information Can be found at the centerforparentingeducation.org