“I think I understand why you are yelling. You are a mom who is doing her very best to parent in a way that isn’t overly firm. You try and respectfully ask your children to do something and they are not responsive in the way you need them to be. This mounts frustration to the point where you find yourself yelling in order to get results because you don’t want to hit. So many parents are right there with you often. There are a few tools that you can use:
1.Agreements: Have a discussion where everyone shares. Brainstorm solutions and choose one that feels good to everyone. Agree on a time deadline. Avoid criticism if deadline is not met. Use nonverbal signals or ask “What was our agreement?” Avoid nagging. You can often use one word “Room”. They will know what you mean.
2. Kind AND Firm: First validate feelings and show understanding. Offer choices if you can. Example: You want to keep playing AND it is time to clean your room. Do you want to make your bed first or pick up your toys?
3. Decide what you will do: Plan what you will do and let them know in advance. When your room is clean I will turn the WiFi back on. Follow through with Kindness AND Firmness.
4. Curiosity Questions (my personal favorite): Asking instead of telling creates critical thinkers and empowers. What do you need to do so that you can be ready for bed on time?
All of these tools came from Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Cards. They can be found on the Positive Discipline Website.”
Look for more practical Positive Parenting Advice at Krissy's Couch.