Who We Are
A Nurtured Child began in May 2017 as a place for Pia Mattix Davis to connect with other moms who practiced gentle, respect-based parenting. The group quickly transformed into a teaching piece for parents who are transitioning from an authoritarian style of parenting. While I want for the group to meet the needs of both groups, first and foremost the space must remain safe for women who are troubled by the physical, emotional and verbal abuse of children.
In A Nurtured Child, spanking, shaming, and other forms of punishment rooted in control are considered abuse or abusive in mature. Timeout is not condoned, and punishments that rely on exercise or other physical activity are not condoned or supported. For many, this is hard to accept. While we understand that moms who are new to the group might use these practices, they are not to given used as suggestions, or supported in anyway in our group. We know that this is a journey and will help moms to find solutions to punishments, and we are here to guide without shame.
Also, this is not a typical parenting group. A Nurtured Child is rooted in the belief that the parent is the first teacher of the child and models for the child the life that they want the child to live. We are a do as I do, not a do as I say type group, and this requires introspection on the part of the parent. Since we believe that children reflect the parent and often their misbehaviors are learned from us, therefore when attempting to discipline our children, we must first ask ourselves, "how did we contribute to this problem". We also believe that children are not bad or terrible, that when something is wrong, they act out, and if we can address the source of the problem, we can work to eliminate the undesired behavior.
If you still believe that A Nurtured Child is for you, please read the rules and then reflect upon if this is the right place for you. If not, please cancel your join request. If you are still interested in joining, we look forward to growing with you beginning March 1, 2019.
In A Nurtured Child, spanking, shaming, and other forms of punishment rooted in control are considered abuse or abusive in mature. Timeout is not condoned, and punishments that rely on exercise or other physical activity are not condoned or supported. For many, this is hard to accept. While we understand that moms who are new to the group might use these practices, they are not to given used as suggestions, or supported in anyway in our group. We know that this is a journey and will help moms to find solutions to punishments, and we are here to guide without shame.
Also, this is not a typical parenting group. A Nurtured Child is rooted in the belief that the parent is the first teacher of the child and models for the child the life that they want the child to live. We are a do as I do, not a do as I say type group, and this requires introspection on the part of the parent. Since we believe that children reflect the parent and often their misbehaviors are learned from us, therefore when attempting to discipline our children, we must first ask ourselves, "how did we contribute to this problem". We also believe that children are not bad or terrible, that when something is wrong, they act out, and if we can address the source of the problem, we can work to eliminate the undesired behavior.
If you still believe that A Nurtured Child is for you, please read the rules and then reflect upon if this is the right place for you. If not, please cancel your join request. If you are still interested in joining, we look forward to growing with you beginning March 1, 2019.
The Rules
Welcome to A Nurtured Child! This space is for Black Moms who are committed to, or interested in parenting with love, mutual respect, realistic boundaries, positive affirmations and peace by intentionally modeling the lifestyle that they want their children to emulate. Cultivating A Nurtured Child is a lifestyle not a parenting tactic.
GROUP MISSION:
To provide support and practical advice while we parent by example in the black community.
GROUP GUIDELINES
A Nurtured Child is not the place to discuss other approaches or to debate the pros and cons of various parenting philosophies, as this distracts from this group's purpose and provides an unsavory environment for those committed to Positive Parenting. Please read and follow closely. We reserve the right to delete posts and to remove members without discussion when these guidelines are violated.
1a) Please read the files to gain a greater understanding of Positive Parenting/ Positive Discipline.
1b) This group is NOT a general parenting group. It is specifically reserved for parents and caregivers who are interested in learning about and practicing Positive Parenting. However, to ensure that members can receive Positive Parenting focused advice, general parenting posts will be approved nightly between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30 CST. If a general parenting post is submitted outside of these hours it will be approved at 7:30PM CST.
2. RESPECTFUL COMMUNICATION: We ask that all members who participate here do so respectfully and mindfully. Avoid making thoughtless, provocative, defensive, or hostile comments. Personal attacks on anyone will not be tolerated.
If you notice that a member is misusing this board for the purpose of inciting conflict or posting inappropriate or inflammatory articles/materials, please do not comment or engage with the poster; rather tag and administrator or a moderator.
You can also PM one of us if you sense a member is misusing this group. Administrators reserve the right to remove comments and people who disregard group guidelines.
Shaming other members for resorting to physical discipline or other punitive measures will not be tolerated. A Nurtured Child is here to encourage and to uplift one another in our struggle to raise our children with love, while we instill in them the discipline needed to function in our society.
3. PHOTOS and IMAGES: When posting a question, avoid adding “for attention” style photos to the post. Images should only be used if they help provide extra information needed for answering the question. This is out of respect for the group. Posts with images are often more visible in the feed, thus detracting attention from other posts.
4. We will not approve PENDING POSTS which include the words "pop, hit, spank, yell, shame, pinch, etc". The OP will be asked to rephrase the comment/question, including the removal of words and phrases, not in line with the principles of the group.
We will also not approve posts related to circumcision.
OFFER POSITIVE PARENTING ADVICE ONLY: Keep on the topic of Positive Parenting when posting, commenting, and offering advice. Please do not offer advice if you are unsure of the philosophy of Positive Parenting. Comments to the effect of “It’s not Positive Parenting but this worked for us…” or, “We take some of Positive Parenting and leave the rest…” will not be tolerated. You are welcome to practice parenting in your home in any way you wish but the purpose of the group is to help people more fully understand and practice Positive Parenting’s philosophy of empathy, understanding, mutual respect and compassion.
Posts which condone, support, uphold, encourage or suggest the following actions as a suitable means of punishment or redirection will not be approved, and comments will be deleted:
Spanking
Popping
Tapping
shaking
slapping
Yelling
Shaming
Cursing
Insults
Time out
Posts which condone, support, uphold, encourage or suggest CIO or any sleep training methods will not be approved, and comments will be deleted.
********A Nurtured Child is about changing mindsets to live in a way that embrace the tenets of Positive Parenting and Positive Discipline.
Please ensure that your responses and comments center the tenets of Positive Parenting and Positive Discipline
1) Empathy
2) Mutual Respect
3) Healthy Attachment
4)Proactive Discipline
5)Positive Discipline
&
Positive Discipline
1)Helps children feel a sense of connection. (Belonging and significance)
2)Is mutually respectful and encouraging. (Kind and firm at the same time.)
3)Is effective long-term. (Considers what the children are thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about themselves and their world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.)
4)Teaches important social and life skills. (Respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.)
5)Invites children to discover how capable they are. (Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)**********
5. ADVOCATING FOR CHILDREN: This group does not subscribe to terms such as terrible twos or any other derogatory descriptor used when referring to children. Similarly, when referring to issues you may be having with your child, avoid using labels such as horrible, lazy, selfish, rude etc. It is more productive to simply describe the behavior you would like help managing. It may not seem a big deal, but changing how we view and refer to children can help put us in a better mindset and allow us to approach dealing with the issue from a more productive perspective.
6. NO SELF PROMOTION: Do not use this group to advertise except on Marketing Monday. Any posts created more than 24 hours before the appointed date will be deleted.
7. SHARING LINKS: Only share controversial links if you have a genuine question to ask about the content. Do not post articles/blogs, especially on controversial issues, just to get a reaction from the group. Please save these posts for other groups or your personal page. We also ask that unless you are truly seeking support and advice, please refrain from complaints about the ways that other parents and caregivers care for babies and children (e.g., the woman that did x,y,z with her child at the park). It creates a negative atmosphere that is often not conducive to learning.
8. USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION: Search previous posts *before* you post.
9. Before you search, check the files! The admin team has compiled a sufficient database of articles and resources to assist in our parenting journey.
10. This group is comprised of women who are of African descent, including some of multi-racial backgrounds. Many mothers in this group have children with men of different races and ethnicities. We are all here to receive support and encouragement as we strive to parent our children with grace, dignity and compassion. Group members who make comments which insult, belittle, demean or castigate people of other races will be warned once and then removed from the group.
Black people are not a monolith, and our differences should unite and not divide us. Please refrain from making remarks which call into question the authenticity of members backgrounds..
11.Do not block group administrators or moderators.
12. Do not post screenshots from the group.
13) Do you need advice but you don't want to post publicly in the group? Submit your question as usual, but type *********ANONYMOUS POST PLEASE******* at the top of your post. An Admin or Moderator will then submit your post with the heading Anonymous Post Advice Needed.
14) In an effort to keep the board Positive, the Admin/ Moderator team has created the VENT ZONE! Please search "vent" and post your frustrations in this thread. If you are unable to locate the thread the Admin/ Mod team will place your post into the VENT ZONE. Normal group rules apply, so don't forget to keep it positive!
15) Do not delete posts or comments as it is a disservice to group members when posters take time and care to help one another. The knowledge shared is not for one person, but for the entire group! If you don’t like the way things are going, tag or pm somebody from the admin team & we’ll address it
16) Please keep your off topic posts aligned with the daily theme. We will delete posts submitted more than 24 hours in advance.
So Cute Sunday
Marketing Monday
Talk About it Tuesday
Winning Wednesday
Fix It Friday
Showboat Saturday
17) To protect our members it is BMPPANC’s policy not to exchange money within the group. This includes but is not limited to sharing information regarding ones Cash App, PayPal, Venmo or any other money-sending app. This also includes not petitioning members of the group to donate to other members. This does not include group-sponsored activities posted by the admin team. BMPPANC is a wonderful space for moms to connect. We want to protect the integrity of the space for all of us.
THINGS TO KNOW:
When you post a question about an issue you are having with your child, it is usual, within this approach, to have to do a lot of self-reflection before coming up with an answer. Often, the answer does not lie with our children, it lies within ourselves and unpacking that takes time and commitment. It can trigger all sorts of emotions in us to be confronted with this but please note that this is an important step in moving forward and strengthening the relationship you have with your children. We are here to support that process and hope to help you in your parenting journey.
Please enjoy this learning community!
Disclaimer: The above are not all from my brain, some rules were borrowed from other sources and others are the work of the PPSGFM Admin/Mod team.
ADMINS:
Your group admins are: Pia Mattix Davis and Niya Martinez
Your group Moderators are: Ruthie Onyinyechi Ijeoma, Krissy Gabrielle, Kasha Toffah, Martrisha Bradshaww, Cory Lynn, Daejah Ramseur, Lexi Romaninii, Kasha Toffah and Tanisha Watkins Henderson.
These are your first points of contact if you are having any issues within the group. Please note that the admin team and other experienced members in the group give up hours of their time to freely offer support and advice to members. It is a huge job and gratitude is appreciated.
GROUP MISSION:
To provide support and practical advice while we parent by example in the black community.
GROUP GUIDELINES
A Nurtured Child is not the place to discuss other approaches or to debate the pros and cons of various parenting philosophies, as this distracts from this group's purpose and provides an unsavory environment for those committed to Positive Parenting. Please read and follow closely. We reserve the right to delete posts and to remove members without discussion when these guidelines are violated.
1a) Please read the files to gain a greater understanding of Positive Parenting/ Positive Discipline.
1b) This group is NOT a general parenting group. It is specifically reserved for parents and caregivers who are interested in learning about and practicing Positive Parenting. However, to ensure that members can receive Positive Parenting focused advice, general parenting posts will be approved nightly between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30 CST. If a general parenting post is submitted outside of these hours it will be approved at 7:30PM CST.
2. RESPECTFUL COMMUNICATION: We ask that all members who participate here do so respectfully and mindfully. Avoid making thoughtless, provocative, defensive, or hostile comments. Personal attacks on anyone will not be tolerated.
If you notice that a member is misusing this board for the purpose of inciting conflict or posting inappropriate or inflammatory articles/materials, please do not comment or engage with the poster; rather tag and administrator or a moderator.
You can also PM one of us if you sense a member is misusing this group. Administrators reserve the right to remove comments and people who disregard group guidelines.
Shaming other members for resorting to physical discipline or other punitive measures will not be tolerated. A Nurtured Child is here to encourage and to uplift one another in our struggle to raise our children with love, while we instill in them the discipline needed to function in our society.
3. PHOTOS and IMAGES: When posting a question, avoid adding “for attention” style photos to the post. Images should only be used if they help provide extra information needed for answering the question. This is out of respect for the group. Posts with images are often more visible in the feed, thus detracting attention from other posts.
4. We will not approve PENDING POSTS which include the words "pop, hit, spank, yell, shame, pinch, etc". The OP will be asked to rephrase the comment/question, including the removal of words and phrases, not in line with the principles of the group.
We will also not approve posts related to circumcision.
OFFER POSITIVE PARENTING ADVICE ONLY: Keep on the topic of Positive Parenting when posting, commenting, and offering advice. Please do not offer advice if you are unsure of the philosophy of Positive Parenting. Comments to the effect of “It’s not Positive Parenting but this worked for us…” or, “We take some of Positive Parenting and leave the rest…” will not be tolerated. You are welcome to practice parenting in your home in any way you wish but the purpose of the group is to help people more fully understand and practice Positive Parenting’s philosophy of empathy, understanding, mutual respect and compassion.
Posts which condone, support, uphold, encourage or suggest the following actions as a suitable means of punishment or redirection will not be approved, and comments will be deleted:
Spanking
Popping
Tapping
shaking
slapping
Yelling
Shaming
Cursing
Insults
Time out
Posts which condone, support, uphold, encourage or suggest CIO or any sleep training methods will not be approved, and comments will be deleted.
********A Nurtured Child is about changing mindsets to live in a way that embrace the tenets of Positive Parenting and Positive Discipline.
Please ensure that your responses and comments center the tenets of Positive Parenting and Positive Discipline
1) Empathy
2) Mutual Respect
3) Healthy Attachment
4)Proactive Discipline
5)Positive Discipline
&
Positive Discipline
1)Helps children feel a sense of connection. (Belonging and significance)
2)Is mutually respectful and encouraging. (Kind and firm at the same time.)
3)Is effective long-term. (Considers what the children are thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about themselves and their world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.)
4)Teaches important social and life skills. (Respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.)
5)Invites children to discover how capable they are. (Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)**********
5. ADVOCATING FOR CHILDREN: This group does not subscribe to terms such as terrible twos or any other derogatory descriptor used when referring to children. Similarly, when referring to issues you may be having with your child, avoid using labels such as horrible, lazy, selfish, rude etc. It is more productive to simply describe the behavior you would like help managing. It may not seem a big deal, but changing how we view and refer to children can help put us in a better mindset and allow us to approach dealing with the issue from a more productive perspective.
6. NO SELF PROMOTION: Do not use this group to advertise except on Marketing Monday. Any posts created more than 24 hours before the appointed date will be deleted.
7. SHARING LINKS: Only share controversial links if you have a genuine question to ask about the content. Do not post articles/blogs, especially on controversial issues, just to get a reaction from the group. Please save these posts for other groups or your personal page. We also ask that unless you are truly seeking support and advice, please refrain from complaints about the ways that other parents and caregivers care for babies and children (e.g., the woman that did x,y,z with her child at the park). It creates a negative atmosphere that is often not conducive to learning.
8. USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION: Search previous posts *before* you post.
9. Before you search, check the files! The admin team has compiled a sufficient database of articles and resources to assist in our parenting journey.
10. This group is comprised of women who are of African descent, including some of multi-racial backgrounds. Many mothers in this group have children with men of different races and ethnicities. We are all here to receive support and encouragement as we strive to parent our children with grace, dignity and compassion. Group members who make comments which insult, belittle, demean or castigate people of other races will be warned once and then removed from the group.
Black people are not a monolith, and our differences should unite and not divide us. Please refrain from making remarks which call into question the authenticity of members backgrounds..
11.Do not block group administrators or moderators.
12. Do not post screenshots from the group.
13) Do you need advice but you don't want to post publicly in the group? Submit your question as usual, but type *********ANONYMOUS POST PLEASE******* at the top of your post. An Admin or Moderator will then submit your post with the heading Anonymous Post Advice Needed.
14) In an effort to keep the board Positive, the Admin/ Moderator team has created the VENT ZONE! Please search "vent" and post your frustrations in this thread. If you are unable to locate the thread the Admin/ Mod team will place your post into the VENT ZONE. Normal group rules apply, so don't forget to keep it positive!
15) Do not delete posts or comments as it is a disservice to group members when posters take time and care to help one another. The knowledge shared is not for one person, but for the entire group! If you don’t like the way things are going, tag or pm somebody from the admin team & we’ll address it
16) Please keep your off topic posts aligned with the daily theme. We will delete posts submitted more than 24 hours in advance.
So Cute Sunday
Marketing Monday
Talk About it Tuesday
Winning Wednesday
Fix It Friday
Showboat Saturday
17) To protect our members it is BMPPANC’s policy not to exchange money within the group. This includes but is not limited to sharing information regarding ones Cash App, PayPal, Venmo or any other money-sending app. This also includes not petitioning members of the group to donate to other members. This does not include group-sponsored activities posted by the admin team. BMPPANC is a wonderful space for moms to connect. We want to protect the integrity of the space for all of us.
THINGS TO KNOW:
When you post a question about an issue you are having with your child, it is usual, within this approach, to have to do a lot of self-reflection before coming up with an answer. Often, the answer does not lie with our children, it lies within ourselves and unpacking that takes time and commitment. It can trigger all sorts of emotions in us to be confronted with this but please note that this is an important step in moving forward and strengthening the relationship you have with your children. We are here to support that process and hope to help you in your parenting journey.
Please enjoy this learning community!
Disclaimer: The above are not all from my brain, some rules were borrowed from other sources and others are the work of the PPSGFM Admin/Mod team.
ADMINS:
Your group admins are: Pia Mattix Davis and Niya Martinez
Your group Moderators are: Ruthie Onyinyechi Ijeoma, Krissy Gabrielle, Kasha Toffah, Martrisha Bradshaww, Cory Lynn, Daejah Ramseur, Lexi Romaninii, Kasha Toffah and Tanisha Watkins Henderson.
These are your first points of contact if you are having any issues within the group. Please note that the admin team and other experienced members in the group give up hours of their time to freely offer support and advice to members. It is a huge job and gratitude is appreciated.
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