The Unpredictable Years

Please keep in mind as you read the following lists of developmentally appropriate behaviors, that no two children are alike.  Some children might exhibit all the age-related characteristics, some might exhibit most, and there are some children who might not exhibit more than one or two. 

When using the list below, it is important to also consider your child’s adjusted age if applicable, environmental, and situational factors, the child’s temperament, and if the child is in a period of equilibrium or disequilibrium. ​

18 Months Old - Autonomy Starts Here

​An 18-month old child usually but not always:
  • does the opposite of most instructions given by a parent
  • seldom obeys any verbal command
  • uses “No!” as chief word
  • is not motivated by words
  • is not able to wait — NOW is the time that is important​
  • cannot stand frustration
  • constantly seems to find ways to frustrate self
  • treats people like objects (will step on, push, hit others, including babies, without remorse)
  • has no concept of sharing
  • needs one word commands (which probably won’t be followed)
  • is very limited in what he understands, even though he now can use words to some extent
  • is extremely immature emotionally; may tantrum easily and often
  • has boundless energy and needs many outlets for it (especially stair climbing)
  • can be distracted or lured away from a forbidden object or activity

Two Years Old: Misunderstood

2-year old child usually but not always:
  • is less frustrated than a child between 18-23 months
  • is more willing to do what he can and doesn’t try too hard to do things beyond his ability
  • is more coordinated; less likely to fall
  • is less pre-occupied with keeping his balance; runs, climbs more easily
  • has better language skills, is less frustrated because he can make himself more easily understood
  • can wait a few minutes for want he wants
  • can stand slight or temporary frustration
  • is beginning to like the idea of pleasing others
  • still cannot share, but can give another child a substitute toy
  • is loving and affectionate

Two and a Half Years Old: inflexible

A 2 1/2-year old child usually but not always:
  • is in a difficult phase
  • is rigid and inflexible
  • has almost no patience; wants what he wants when he wants it
  • cannot adapt, give in, or wait a little while
  • demands that everything be in its proper (to him) place
  • requires routines be followed rigidly; in the same sequence, wears the same clothes, eats the same food
  • is extremely domineering and demanding: he must give the orders, make the decisions
  • is subject to violent emotions; there is little modulation of emotional expression (it is all intense!)
  • is in an age of opposite extremes; he finds it almost impossible to make a choice and stick with it
  • finds it nearly impossible to change gears, is highly persistent
  • is vigorous, enthusiastic, energetic

Three Year Old: Unpredicatble

A 3 year-year old child usually but not always:
  • loves to conform
  • uses the word “Yes” easily
  • likes to share, likes the idea of “We”
  • no longer needs the protection of rituals
  • feels more secure in his relations with others and with himself
  • enjoys cooperating
  • likes to make friends
  • has increased motor abilities
  • has a marked increase and interest in vocabulary and language
  • is easily influenced to behave when exciting new words are used, such as “secret,” “surprise,” “different,” “guess”
  • willingly goes forward toward new adventures
  • is in a high period of equilibrium; pleased with himself and with others

Three and a half year old: Overwhelming

A 3 1/2-Year old child usually but not always:
  • enters a period of marked insecurity and disequilibrium
  • can be extremely uncoordinated motorwise: stumbles, falls, may fear heights, hands may tremble, cannot draw firmly
  • may become uncoordinated language-wise: may seem to stutter (esp. if was highly verbal previously) — it is as if the mouth can no longer keep up with the mind
  • [Note: It is important for parents to stay relaxed and accepting and to not make a big deal over speech struggles in order to prevent a later problem]
  • may complain that he cannot see or hear right; may cross eyes frequently
  • uses tensional outlets more frequently: nail biting, eye blinking, nose picking, facial tics, grabbing genitals, thumb sucking may increase – 3/12 is a peak time for usage of tensional outlets
  • is emotionally insecure which leads to increased whining, crying, frequent questioning “Do you love me?” and frequent complaints “You don’t love me.”
  • may say, “I hate you” when frustrated by limits

  • is extremely demanding of adults: may demand “Don’t look!” “Don’t talk!” “Don’t laugh!”
  • may demand all attention be on him; is very jealous of attention given to others
  • is insecure with friends: demands all their attention, shows emotional extremes – shy one minute, over-bearing the next.

Four Years Old: Intense

Other descriptions Gesell offers:
  • Expansive
  • Boasting
  • Joyous
  • Exuberant
  • Adventuresome
  • Energetic
  • Bossy
  • Enthusiastic
A 4-year old child usually but not always:​

​Intellectual Development
  • has learned about time — can understand past, present, future. Understands concept of days — today, everyday, yesterday, tomorrow, a week, a month, every morning, afternoon, evening
  • can learn seasons and holidays
  • can understand spatial concepts: up, down, in, out, over, around, under. Is often extremely interested in what is behind things. May want to check behind objects and people
  • can count three objects
  • can recite numbers from 1 to 10
  • can draw a man with two parts: head and legs
  • may repeat and repeat a “why” question, because he or she may not be able to understand the explanation and may feel frustrated with you and with himself because he cannot make it make sense. He keeps asking because the desire to understand remains but the ability is not there yet.
  • loves anything new – loves adventures, loves to experiment
  • Uses lots of why questions. Usually isn’t as much interested in the exact mechanics of something, i.e., the how it works part, but rather the purpose of something, the why of it. May not have the intellectual maturity to fully understand explanations.
  • is less interested in fully completing something as beginning it and moving on quickly to the next thing

Language Development
  • has approximately 1550 vocabulary words
  • is becoming a conversationalist: wants to have discussions, wants to use new-found vocabulary and the power he has discovered in language. Sometimes the child asks “why” because he wants to have conversations with parent and has learned that this is a way to achieve that
  • loves exaggeration: “a million, billion ants on the sidewalk,” “as tall as the sky,” “as big as my house” and loves silly language
  • loves to boast about being the biggest, strongest, best, happiest, meanest, etc.
  • uses lots of “bathroom words” — 4-year olds delight in the shock value of words that upset or surprise parents. Expect phrases like “poopey-head” and “doo-doo face.” They also will use swear words they have heard without knowing what they mean, just because they get a rise out of people.
Social Development
  • loves to play with other children and is learning to play cooperatively
  • much more willing to share and take turns
  • likes to do big projects with a group
  • likes to have friends, likes to meet new friends, likes to see himself as a friend
  • may engage in sex play, “playing doctor.” Curious about bodily functions of others
Emotional Development
  • exhibits intense emotions: can go from love to hate in a heartbeat. Will love or hate certain foods and people
  • is passionately in love with mother, and hates it when she changes anything about herself (a new hair style, new clothes)
  • loves to laugh; can get almost hysterical with laughter
  • when angry, will hit, kick, spit
  • is less stressed and has less need for tensional outlets
  • may like violent stories with lots of action. May demand gory details, especially related to death. “What’s it like to be inside a coffin.” “How much time does it take to dig the hole.” Doesn’t understand that death is permanent; expects the person to magically be able to return
Fears
  • may have some fears, such as: fire, the sound of sirens, the dark, wild animals, and mother leaving, especially at night
Imagination
  • has a very active imagination, may have an imaginary friend
  • has trouble differentiating real from pretend
  • parents should not label behavior as “lying” when a child makes up a story. The child is not lying in the same way an older child might lie.
  • Parents should not punish child for telling untruths, nor should they readily believe all stories children tell, even when they swear the stories are true. The wise parent requires real evidence before believing!
Physical Development
  • has energy to burn, seems to be in perpetual motion. Loves to run, jump, climb
  • is much more coordinated than in the last year
  • loves to be speedy
  • can skip on one foot
Sibling Relationship
  • not ready to be trusted around younger siblings. May promise to be gentle but may not be able to follow through
Health/Self-Care
  • can dress and undress self
  • can lace shoes
  • is fascinated with body functions, especially what bodies produce. One result is a fascination with bathrooms
  • starts to want privacy when using the bathroom
  • may forget to go to the bathroom when into serious play
  • may need to urinate in difficult situations or at mealtimes
  • can wash and dry face and hands
  • can brush teeth
  • may get frequent colds and may have stomach aches in social situation
Discipline
  • needs to have adults intervene if his behavior is getting out of his control
  • has discovered that the adult is not all powerful as once was believed. The child learns that he can do bad things and the world will not stop.
  • wants limits, wants to know the rules and boundaries. Can understand simple directions — “You can go as far as that tree,” “You can play with everything on the playground up to that fence”
  • responds well to praise​

Four and a half years old: volatile

A 4 1/2-year old child usually but not always:
  • is more interested in figuring out what is real and what is pretend
  • is a little less uninhibited
  • can stick with a task a little longer
  • emotions are still quite volatile and uncertain: he laughs and cries easily
  • more persistent and demanding, less easy to distract. Behaviors may seem purposely obnoxious
  • has a new awareness of “good” and “bad.” Loves real life stories that show who is the good guy and who is the bad guy
  • spiritually, may like the idea that there is a God who is strong and a friend. If part of family routine, likes to say prayers and bless everyone. This can allay some bedtime fears.
  • may struggle to get to sleep
Much of the following information is based on the studies by The Gesell Institute of Human Development, with the primary source being Your One Year Old, by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Also included is information from Pick Up Your Socks by Elizabeth Crary. This information Can be found at the centerforparentingeducation.org