The Dynamic Years
​Ages 5 - 8

Please keep in mind as you read the following lists of developmentally appropriate behaviors, that no two children are alike.  Some children might exhibit all the age-related characteristics, some might exhibit most, and there are some children who might not exhibit more than one or two. 

When using the list below, it is important to also consider your child’s adjusted age if applicable, environmental, and situational factors, the child’s temperament, and if the child is in a period of equilibrium or disequilibrium. 

Five Years  Old: Mellowed

A 5-year old child usually but not always:
  • enjoys life
  • looks consistently on life’s sunny side
  • uses positive language “Sure!”, “Alright!”, “Fine!”, “Lovely!”, “Wonderful”, “I just love…!”
  • lives in the here and now
  • is not as adventurous; is quieter by nature
  • likes the security of tried and true
  • is less resistant, not working on proving that he is his own boss
  • can protect himself from over-stimulation, i.e. knows his own limits.
​

Abilities
  • is impressed with his own increased abilities
  • loves to read, learn new facts, practice writing…
  • is able to judge what he can and cannot do; therefore, is more confident and secure
  • is determined to do things “just right”
  • may ask for permission to do even simple things
  • cares a lot about his own room, home, street, neighborhood, classroom
  • may ascribe human feelings to inanimate objects (“It is raining because the clouds got angry”)
  • has a more accurate and detailed concept of death – however, since he may still think death is reversible, he often can be matter-of-fact and unemotional about death
  • some may still wet the bed at night (not a concern)
Family
  • adores parents and sees them as the ultimate authorities
  • has strong feelings for family, including pets
  • sees mother as the center of his world and wants to please her and be near her
  • needs reassurance that he is loved
  • may do better with siblings, but may over-estimate abilities to care for younger children
Fears
  • is not much of a worrier
  • may have occasional nightmares
  • may have frequent frightening animal dreams
Play/Imagination
  • gets along well with others, although plays better with two friends than with three
  • loves to play “house”
  • plays with blocks
  • loves to climb, swing, jump, and skip
  • has less interest in sex play
  • may make up stories with violence as the main theme ​

Five and a half Years Old: Anxious

A 5 1/2 -year old child usually but not always:
  • is brash and combative
  • is hesitant and indecisive at times
  • can be over-demanding and explosive at other times
  • can be shy one minute, bold the next
  • is in a constant state of tension, which results in an increase in tensional outlet behaviors (chewing on lose clothing, biting or tapping pencils)
  • is restless and finds it hard to sit still
  • is more awkward

Discipline Issues
  • is not as likely to listen as age 5
  • will rebel and go against what he is asked to do
  • defies in order to dawdle
  • may throw temper tantrums

 School/Learning
  • is calmer at school than at home
  • finds it hard to maintain grasp of pencil
  • may reverse numbers or letters (this is not a good age to teach reading or writing)
Health/Self-Care
  • experiences an increase in colds, headaches, earaches, stomachaches – feet hurt, face hurts
  • may have toileting accidents when overly excited​

six year old: Self Centered

A 6-year old child usually but not always:
  • is expansive and out of bounds
  • is dramatic and loud
  • likes to show off
  • can be very affectionate
  • can be extremely enthusiastic and adventuresome
  • asks a lot of questions
  • is demanding, contrary or combative
  • is competitive – needs to be the fastest, best, the winner
  • may be aggressive
  • is stubborn
  • cries easily when hurt physically
  • tends to fling clothes all over the house
  • often loses shoes
  • suddenly seems clumsy and uncoordinated
  • may go through parents’ private stuff

​Emotions
  • has a hard time dealing with any failure
  • cannot bear to lose or be criticized
  • loves to be flattered and praised
  • can be ambivalent, may have trouble making choices
  • is easily hurt emotionally

Parents
  • sees self, not the mother, as the center of the universe
  • goes from hating mother to loving her; can fear that she will get sick, die, not be there
  • when he comes home from school
  • may think father knows everything
  • is at his best and worst with primary caregiver
School/Learning
  • likes to learn and be read to
  • frequently reverses letters and numbers
  • wants to be good at school
  • likes to conform
  • may like a “strict” teacher
  • can get confused if school rules differ from home rules
  • relationship with teacher is not as intense as it will be in another year
Siblings
  • can be very jealous
  • can be very bossy, especially with younger siblings
  • argues, bullies, torments, hits
Friends
  • can make friends easily, but relationships tend to be stormy because he is so stormy
  • aggressive, quarrelsome, belligerent
  • excitable, emotional
  • will cheat to win and will accuse others of cheating
Eating
  • stuffs mouth
  • talks with mouth full
  • grabs for food
  • knocks over milk
  • falls off chair
  • wants “biggest” piece
Bedtime is easier than at 5 1/2
  • likes to talk before bed
  • may rebel at bedtime
  • sleeps well
Elimination
  • occasionally has a daytime accident
  • will be very ashamed about such accidents
Tensional outlets increase
  • restless, hands always busy, wiggles, kicks
  • temper tantrums
  • bites fingernails
  • chews on hair or pencils
  • picks nose
Many health complaints
  • legs hurt
  • arms hurt
  • back of neck hurts
  • scalp is very sensitive
  • increased illnesses
  • mucous membranes are easily irritated
  • peak of ear infections
  • complains that it is too hot and perspires easily
  • increased allergies
  • more accidents
  • hates the sight of blood and anything that penetrates the body
  • makes a big fuss whenever hurt
Parents may feel
  • incompetent
  • out of control
  • angry and losing their tempers a lot
  • the 6 year old may remind parents of 2 1/2-year old
Suggestions for parenting your 6-year old
  • offer frequent validation​
  • use counting (“Let’s see if you can do that by the time I count to ten”)
  • use of clock (“See if you can do that by 3 o’clock”)
  • side-step versus confront issues i.e. change subject, if possible
  • negotiate whenever possible
  • ignore unless it is life-threatening, morally wrong or dangerous (B. Coloroso)

Six and a Half Years Old: Enthusiastic

A 6 1/2-year old usually but not always:
  • is a little calmer than at six
  • has a huge capacity to enjoy life
  • is more warm and loving
  • is sympathetic
  • is more appreciative
  • loves mother again
  • has boundless enthusiasm
  • loves to explore
  • loves intellectual challenges
  • shows off accomplishments proudly
  • loves jokes and guessing games

Seven Years Old: Melancholy

A 7-year old usually but not always:
  • is calmer than at age 6
  • is thoughtful and a good listener
  • loves to think, observe, and reflect
  • is self-absorbed
  • loves to argue but goes along with solutions
  • likes to plan his own days
  • has increasing control over body, thoughts, and temper
  • is less selfish and more forgiving
Mood
  • is moody, morose, melancholy
  • broods and sulks
  • often asks, “Why do I have to?” and “Why should I?”
  • does not respond well to humor
  • is hard to satisfy
  • is easily disappointed
Intellectual Growth
  • is absent-minded
  • procrastinates
  • is easily distracted
Friends
  • thinks others are mean, hateful, unfriendly, always picking on him, not liking him
  • may tell stories of maltreatment
  • may join several peers to gang up on one child or may become target of other children ganging up on him
  • does not want others to laugh at him
Fears
  • has overcome some previous fears such as of the dentist or swimming
  • has new worries, including:
    • not doing well in school
    • hurricanes (or any natural disaster)
    • war
    • that family won’t have enough money
    • people he loves will die
    • that any pain or discomfort is a sign of a fatal illness
    • being late for school
    • the dark
Privacy
  • wants control and privacy
  • likes a room of his own to which he can retreat
  • does not like to be touched or seen without clothes
  • may talk to himself in front of mirror
Parents
  • gets along rather well with mother
  • wants her support and sympathy
  • believes parents like the other children in the family more than they like him
  • admires father, especially boys may “worship” them
Siblings
  • fights with siblings
  • is best with much older and much younger siblings
  • with siblings close in age, things are “just not fair enough”
  • enjoys family outings
  • less tattling
Sex
  • may not notice sex differences
  • are “mushy”
  • some, especially boys, are more hostile towards the opposite sex
School/Learning
  • enjoys learning
  • can idolize a teacher
  • may have a crush on a teacher
  • frequently asks for permission to do tasks
  • wants to be special
  • at home, can complain a lot about school
  • not a good messenger for bringing papers home from school
  • may give a “gift” to the teacher that actually is something that belongs to mother
  • enjoys reading as skills improve
  • understands time better (which may be why there is an increase in worrying about being late)
  • sets high standards for self, wants perfect scores and papers, erases a lot
  • perseveres once starts an activity
Physical development
  • has more headaches, rubs eyes
  • complains of pain, especially knee pains
  • is more coordinated
  • is more cautious
Play
  • not as adventuresome
  • can stick with one activity for a long time
  • can play competitive games better because winning is not so important
  • likes computer play
  • likes to collect things
  • loves nature
  • loves to participate in sports
Frequent use of
  • “I can’t”
  • “This is serious”
  • “I feel embarrassed”
  • a lot of self-criticism
Ethics
  • tries to live up to standards for being “good”
  • tries to tell the truth, but is quick with excuses
  • believes fairness is very important
  • may collect things that really don’t belong to him
Suggestions for parenting your 7-year old
  • Use a gentle approach
  • Show appreciation
  • Provide reasonable amounts of sympathy
  • Do not take reports of unfairness too seriously
  • Stay calm

Eight Years Old: Dramatic

An 8-year old usually but not always:
Physical Behavior
  • is high energy, speedy, walks quickly, talks quickly, eats quickly, reads quickly
  • can shift easily from one activity to the next
  • likes rough and tumble play and loud games
  • is better coordinated
  • wants to expand boundaries of personal space
  • is careless, sloppy, and accident prone

Emotional Development
  • is more self-aware
  • can express himself through emotions such as amazement and curiosity
  • loves to talk
  • can be very dramatic
  • often exaggerates
  • is demanding
  • is evaluative
  • hard on self regarding mistakes
  • extremely sensitive to perceived criticism from others
  • can shift blame quickly to others when he attacks someone (verbally or physically)
  • can tell time better but may be more careless than the more anxious seven-year-old stage
  • eagerly meets challenges
  • can over-estimate abilities
  • often boasts and then comes up with alibis
  • hungry for praise (may put himself down in order to get it)
  • likes to bargain
Intellectual Development
  • daydreams
  • tends to miss instructions and may frequently say “What?”
  • not a good self-starter, but once started, needs some freedom to do it his own way
  • the beginning of abstract thinking
  • can apply simple logic to arrive at conclusions
  • can reason deductively
  • can classify
Parents
  • curious about all that is going on in the family
  • wants to be sure parents’ relationship is working
  • is quick to pick up parents’ attitudes and values
Mother
  • has a more intense relationship
  • is highly possessive
  • is very in-tune with her
  • wants all her attention, including constant conversations
  • wants her to play board games with him
  • wants to please Mother
  • wants to help her satisfy her needs
Father
  • the relationship is not as intense as with mother
  • may be less openly affectionate
  • may mind father better than previously
  • may mind father better than minds mother
Siblings
  • wants his fair share and all privileges that other siblings have
  • needs specific instructions and lots of praise when caring for and playing with younger siblings
  • can be too strict if caring for a younger sibling
  • may take out frustrations toward others on siblings
Friends/Relationships
  • has more friends than previously
  • some eight-year-olds have many friends, others only one or two
  • wants a good two-way relationship
  • is more willing to cooperate and conform
  • may pick on any child considered to be an outsider
  • plays more with same sex children
  • beginning of “secret clubs”
  • cares about relationships
  • heightened curiosity in learning how relationships around him function
  • can approach strangers with more confidence
Eating
  • increased appetite
  • will eat more new foods
Clothes
  • sloppy
  • throws clothes on floor
  • is increasingly interested in brand names and in being in style
Health
  • tends to be healthier
  • when sick, recovers rapidly
  • when upset, may get stomach aches
  • when overly excited, may get headaches
  • may have numerous eye complaints
Collections
  • extremely interested in and concerned about possessions and collections
  • likes to acquire, barter, arrange, classify, and gloat about possessions
  • loves money
Sex
  • increased interest in babies
  • increased curiosity about life, sex and marriage
  • shifted interest in the opposite sex
  • boys can recognize and admire “pretty girls”; girls can recognize and admire “handsome boys”
  • some sex play may occur
  • boys especially may become interested in dirty jokes and smutty talk
Suggestions for parenting your 8-year old
  • Give specific, descriptive praise often
  • Provide protection from trying to do too much
  • Provide protection from excessive self-criticism
  • Mother can try to spend a specific dedicated time each day where she is fully engaged
Much of the following information is based on the studies by The Gesell Institute of Human Development, with the primary source being Your One Year Old, by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Also included is information from Pick Up Your Socks by Elizabeth Crary. This information Can be found at the centerforparentingeducation.org

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The Wonder Years Ages 9-16