Conscious Parenting answers to the hottest parenting questions presented in the Facebook group A Nurtured Child.

4/5/2021 0 Comments

The Disappointed SOn

Disappointment is a fact of life, something everyone will often encounter, but no matter how old we are the experience is, well, disappointing, LOL. As parents we want to give our children everything that they need and maybe all that they want, but we know that for many reasons this is not realistic.

Mom, your refusal to allow your son to play football resonates with me, because my husband and I refuse to allow our son to play football due to the potential for brain injury and the hypermasculinity and misogyny that often go hand in hand with football.

You are well within your rights as a parent to protect your child from documented risks. The NFL acknowledges that there is a link between football related head trauma and chronic traumatic encephalopathy among professional players.

You understand the risks, but your son just wants to play, so he is probably not hearing you, but make sure that you listen to him and validate his feelings and try to clearly explain to your son why you do not want him to play. Together you all can research the risks and turn it into a presentation for family and friends. Hopefully this activity will allow your son to understand, why you refuse to allow him to play, even if his mind is not changed.

Have you all discussed other sports? Would flag football suffice? Touch football? Maybe Soccer? What about Lacrosse? Are you willing to allow him to try different sports so that he can discover a new passion?

Like most children, your son is going to try to wear you down, if he is not swayed from playing football. Hopefully you don't take the requests personally. If you do, please don't. His asking has nothing to do with you. Playing football is important to him, so he asks because he wants to play, so remain mindful of this in your response. Keep in mind that if he goes to college he could always walk on a team and play. If this happens, all that you can do is tuck away your disappointment and support your son in an activity that he loves.

For now though, validate and affirm your son's disappointments and feelings and help him to find another sport or sports to play.

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4/1/2021 0 Comments

What Does it Mean to be a Conscious Mom?

What a great question! To begin, let's first dissect the meaning of Conscious and Parent.

Conscious

Parent

So,

A parent is one who cares for their offspring. Consciousness is being aware.

Now What Does that really Mean?

The parenting part is probably easy for most people to understand, but the idea of awareness within parenting is what many people don't understand.

Consciousness in parenting is:

Accepting that my child is not an extension of myself, and that my child has their own desires, passions, interest, and motivations.
Knowing that I can't change my child to make him or her who I want to be, but that I can teach the lessons that I want my child to learn and model them through daily living.
Understanding that children come into this world as lacking the knowledge to navigate this world, but they possess the ability to learn how to govern themselves, regulate their emotions, reason and to make choices once we have given them the time, space, and guidance to hone these skills through the trial and error of daily living.
Accepting that ALL HUMANS learn best by doing and repetition, and not expecting my child to do it because I told him one day, six weeks ago or 5 minutes ago so that she now knows and should act accordingly. No, I have to accept that I could sound like a broken record for weeks, months, and possibly years. How many times did I have to ask my partner to put his dirty glass into the sink last year? How many times did I forget to put the laundry away when someone asked me a question and I forgot?
Understanding that all behaviors aren't the catalyst, they are the effects of something else in the physical or emotional environment. When a child reacts in a way that is of concern, Conscious Parenting requires that I must remain calm and assess and evaluate what is going on in child's life. I don't want a quick fix, I want a long term solution.
Knowing that all behaviors are a form of communication, so what is my child attempting to tell me. Biting, kicking, hitting from a toddler is not an attempt to cause me physical harm.
Remembering that when my child is dysregulated she can't think or reason and that I should give her space to calm down through the process of coregulation until the child is enough or self regulate (which might not happen until the child is 6 years of age or even older depending upon the circumstances).
Never forgetting that a dysregulated adult can't help a child regulate their emotions.
Being present, available and engaging when my child needs my guidance.
Relying on clear, consistent boundaries so that my children know the mutual expectations that exist for everyone in the home.
Understanding that the trials and errors that my children experience with discipline and boundaries are part of the process of learning about the struggles that they will experience in life. My child does not need to sit in an empty room and sleep on the floor to understand that people go to jail for stealing, so I don't have to resort to abuse and shame based methods to teach my five year old that taking gum from the store is wrong. I know that taking gum from the store is not the start of a life of crime, because when I forget to pay for an item in self checkout, but child accompanies me back to the store to pay for that item, just as I took my child back to the store to return the gum.
Accepting that I have to be a whole person who is capable of introspection and self control (or actively working towards it) and working to shed things that bind me. I am living a life of intention and purpose.

In summary

Conscious parenting requires me as the parent to accept my child for who she is in this moment, and to understand what is causing her current struggle, so that I can help my child to overcome that obstacle and then teach her lessons to help her to identify when something is wrong and how to work to address the problem the next time it occurs. I also will teach her how to apply the lessons that we learned with one situation to another situation.

My goal is not to make my child suffer, or to cause discomfort. Life will be the source of her discomfort. My goal is to provide my child with the tools to address what goes wrong in her life by the result of her actions or through the process of living, with a calm mind, rational thinking and purpose.

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