Thirteen Years Old: Reflective

Please keep in mind as you read the following lists of developmentally appropriate behaviors, that no two children are alike.  Some children might exhibit all the age-related characteristics, some might exhibit most, and there are some children who might not exhibit more than one or two. 

When using the list below, it is important to also consider your child’s adjusted age if applicable, environmental, and situational factors, the child’s temperament, and if the child is in a period of equilibrium or disequilibrium. 
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A 13-year old usually but not always:

• exhibits occasional moodiness
• is more serious, less spontaneous, more reflective and more self-critical

Communication

• is not as open or communicative and may lapse into spells of silence
• is more guarded – may hesitate before expressing self, may be more shy with strangers
• is very sensitive to criticism and keenly perceptive of the emotional state of others
• needs a lot of sympathetic understanding

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Responsibility

• is more adaptable and dependable
• has a strong sense of duty
• muses about future, wishes, ambitions
• shows increased resistance to authority figures

Intellectual Development

• at school, responds with intense interest to assignments and discussions
• has a great capacity to acquire knowledge through reading, listening, looking
• states propositions and questions ideas, thinks in terms of hypothetical conditions
• enjoys matching wits with a cooperative adult
• becomes aware of ability to reason
• searches for the “right” word or phrase

Family

• makes detailed criticisms of parents – girls may be very critical of mother, especially her dress, clothes, make-up
• seems to withdraw from family circle and from close confidential relationship with parents
• fights with siblings, particularly those between 6 and 11 years of age

Social

• is intrigued by the wide array of interpersonal relations
• is more discriminating about companions, has fewer friends
• is contemptuous of “kid stuff” of 12’s

Summary of adolescence:

• 10 is reminiscent of 5 – self-contained, relaxed, direct, easy give-and-take
• 11 is tense, questioning, searches and tests self through conflicts with others
• 12 is better balanced – accepts others, more objective, fluctuates from childish to mature attitudes
• 13 withdraws – reminiscent of 7
• 14 more outgoing, compares self with others
• 15 is more introspective – explores self in relation to ideas, ideals, opinions of others
• 16 more at ease, independent, self-reliant

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Much of the above information is based on the studies by The Gesell Institute of Human Development, with the primary source being Your One Year Old, by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. Also included is information from Pick Up Your Socks by Elizabeth Crary. This information Can be found at the centerforparentingeducation.org